Smarter By Myself

All I Want For Christmas

2005-12-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

I know what the kids have gotten me for Christmas!!!

Inspiration struck while listening to the song "Can't Stop The Rock." I think - no, I know - that Derek & Heather have gotten me a giant cardboard figure of The Rock! Heather told me that they were going to get me another big wall hanging of John Elway but they found something better. And what could be better that The Rock???

I told Jess about it and he couldn't hide the smile. I told Heather on the phone that I knew and I could tell from her voice that I was right. She's just not a good liar.

I'm so excited! I expect to see The Rock in my basement on Christmas!! Merry Christmas to everyone!!

For Halloween

2005-10-29T08:57:00.000-06:00

I'm going to dress up like a pumpkin this year for work, I think. Cute & comfy!! In the meantime:

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

I hope everyone has a Happy & safe Halloween and you get all the candy you want!

Little Corri

2005-10-21T06:38:00.000-06:00

My husband had pacemaker surgery yesterday afternoon. He was told a year ago that eventually he would need one. But the doctors did test after test after test for A WHOLE YEAR, never thinking that a pacemaker would be the solution to his problem! It makes me so mad to think of everything he's been through this past year when it could have been remedied then!

But he's doing well. Thank God.

Here's a fun story for you, though: Last week Derek & Squatchy were over and we got to talking about weird names that people have for their children. I decided that the rule would be you had to name your kid after an herb or spice. The concensus at our house was Corriander Sage, Corri for short. What would you name your kid if those were the rules?

Aaaannnd....my kids & husband might disagree with this but:

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How scary are you?

Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

What Does Karen Need?

2005-10-15T06:14:00.000-06:00

Apparently quite a few things: I had Heather help me with this...

Karen Needs to Grow Up!

Karen Needs a New Job.

Karen Needs A Lobotomy.

Karen needs to learn how to compliment her workers.

Karen needs to have full carbohydrate. stores, and be well hydrated.

Karen needs additional time for laundry and changing bed linen.

Karen needs care and supervision twenty-fours hours a day

Karen needs to learn how to speak up for herself!

Karen needs money to buy the roller skates she desperately
wants.

Karen needs a hairstyle that requires minimal styling.

Karen needs a rest.

Karen needs to use the bathroom.

Karen needs to tell her mom straight out to stop prying.

Karen needs the money for the mentoring pizza.

Karen needs to get out of Clayborne quickly.

Karen needs someone to hold chimpy still while she rearranges his kneecaps.

Karen needs a break.

Missing The Rock

2005-10-01T13:48:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you've heard from my children that I am a season ticket holder for the Denver Broncos. I love the Broncos and try to never miss a game. Sadly, I was in Las Vegas for the home opener against San Diego this year so I was determined not to miss the Monday night game vs. The Chiefs.

Derek's wife Heather (Squatchy) came with me. We always catch the Park-n-Ride in Parker so that we don't have to deal with game traffic in Denver. We usually get there in plenty of time to hit the restrooms, get a snack and get settled before the game starts. Not this time.

There was an apparent hit & run accident on I-25 which brought us to a complete standstill. We could see the stadium, we could see the parachutes that flew in, we could see the fireworks...but not the game. It started while we were still sitting on the bus.

Heather took the time to call Derek on her cell phone. This is what I heard:

H: Hi, whatcha doin'? I wish I was watching the game. We're still stuck on the bus on the interstate. Really, The Rock?

I couldn't help myself. I yelled, "The Rock? The Rock is there?? I'm missing The Rock? I love The Rock!!!" Everyone on the bus was staring at me. It turns out that yes, wrestling superstar The Rock, whom I adore and think is very cute, was at the Bronco game for the opening segment, in a Bronco jersey, saying "Are you ready for some football."

I never get to see famous people. And I would have only been more disappointed if I had missed John Elway.

A Tribe Called Tortoise?

2005-05-11T20:24:00.000-06:00

I have a tribe. It doesn't have a name. We need a name. I suggested The
Tortoises since our tribe motto is "Slow & Steady Wins The Race." I got laughed
at.

My boss says "You want to be a TURTLE?"

I manage a Big Lots store here in Colorado Springs and our boss has decided
that we all need to play Survivor. Like the TV show. It's based on sales
percent increase blah blah blah BUT! Now I need to come up for a name for my
tribe. I can't think of any and I'm hoping you guys can help me! Something
clever, something funny.

Even though I've never watched Survivor, the one thing I knew was to form an
alliance and do it early! Six of us have banded together and last week we got
to kick off two (2!!) managers....they were banished to Loser Island. On
Loser Island, the Big Loser has to do something really embarrassing but we don't
know what yet. We kicked off a guy from Denver & a guy from Washington and
boy were they ticked!! I just laughed.

Our district manager tried to figure out who my alliance was with but found
it difficult since EVERYONE voted those two off!

I'm really really concerned about forming an alliance within the alliance.
The people that are in my alliance are actually my biggest threats. So...drama
is in the future, I'll keep you all posted and don't forget to help me think
of a name!

Quee-gee Ouija Spook-Out

2005-02-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

I've never really experienced the supernatural like my kids or my husband;
I've never seen any ghosts or anything. But I am intrigued by the prospect. I
believe it exists because I have seen sheer terror on Derek's face when he's
experienced "a happening."

When I was in college someone gave us a Ouija Board for Christmas. An old
friend of mine was visiting from Denver that holiday season and we decided to
try it out. After we'd messed around a while with it, we decided to ask it if
there were any spirits in the room. The Ouija planchette pointed to "YES." Of
course we had to know who it was so we asked, "Who's in the room with us?"

Now my friend & I lived 300 miles apart, didn't know the same people, hadn't
gone to school together or had any contact with each other for several years.
I know for a fact that I was not making the Ouija move & she swore that she
wasn't either. However, when the Ouija answered us that "BOBBY WARREN" was in
the room, I really got spooked.

Bobby was a classmate of mine that died suddenly when we were seniors and my
friend knew nothing about him or his death. I know Ouija Boards aren't real
but why did Bobby's name come up and not one of our grandparents or someone
that we both knew who had died?

Do you believe in the mystical Ouija?

Childhood Games

2005-01-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

What were your favorite games from when you were a kid? Was it Annie Annie
Over? Prisoner Dodgeball? Or maybe it was Mother May I? Or even Kick The Can?

On Thanksgiving, one of the things our family does is play games. A
particular favorite is Pyramid. (And yes, if I could get Donny Osmond to come to my
house to host a Game Night, believe me, I would!) Instead of playing the board
game, we make our own categories. Each person makes about seven, we divide
up into teams of two (usually decided by goofy little drawings made by Derek*)
and we play the game!

This past Thanksgiving, one of my categories was Childhood Games. I thought
it would be a "cake" category, one that would give whoever chose it an
automatic score of 7! Unfortunately, only my brother & I had apparently ever played
the games I listed. So, you out there in Blog Land, tell me; have you ever
played Kick The Can? Or Werewolf?

* = Derek is evil, we all know this by now, but it was especially apparent
when we would play Pyramid. He would inevitably create what we now call The
Pile O' Death. Hard, horribly hard categories that no one but him could
possibly know. We learned to steer clear of any of his categories! However, with
the Childhood Games category, it seems that I accidentally entered the Pile O'
Death Hall Of Fame.

Derek

2004-11-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

Collin wants some dirt on Derek. But I'm afraid of Derek so I'll just think
of some dust.

When Derek was going into Creative Kinder (preschool), he took his supplies
the first day and his Dad went to walk him home and Derek was crying. He
wouldn't tell Jess what was wrong, he just said, "I wanna see Mom." No matter
what, he wouldn't tell Jess why he was crying.

As soon as he got home, he rushed in the door and said, "Mom!! They kept my
Crayons!!" I should have known then that he would be an artist. Of course,
the karaoke "genes" were there early on as well.

When he was about 5 he would walk around the house singing "Did You Happen To
See The Most Beautiful Girl In The World?" It was cute!

When we took him to the Park-n-Rec for swimming lessons, he quit the 2nd day
because he said "THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!!" (All they wanted him to do was
jump off the diving board and get to the side of the pool.) Derek doesn't like
to swim to this day.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!!

The Things We Do For Love

2004-11-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

I grew up in the country and had to travel Highway 50 every night on my way
home from work. The State Patrol was always there, waiting to catch somebody.
I drove my grandparents' old 1949 Pontiac (this was 1968 by the way) and on
this particular evening I was stopped for having a burned out tail light. Now,
this was 10:30 at night, I had to be at college the next morning at 8, be to
work by 5 so I had no time to fix that tail light.

So!

I asked my fiance, who is now my husband, if he would do me a favor and
follow me home that night and follow me REAL CLOSE so that the state patrolman
couldn't see my tail light. Well...he followed me SO close that he got a ticket
for following too close! Now I know this sounds bad, but I just kept on going.

Jess (my husband) just informed me while I was writing this that he almost
didn't marry me over this incident! Haha!

My Kids

2004-09-24T09:16:00.000-06:00

When my kids were little, they always made me laugh. (Now they just torture
me. Ha!) [or should I put "lol?"]

When I corrected Heather I used to say, "No, Heather. N-O, no." One day
when she was unhappy with me for correcting her, she said, "No, Mommy! P-Q, no!
When I grow big and you grow little I'm gonna tell YOU what to do!"

One time we were in Target when Derek was about 2 & Heather was 5. They were
in the shopping cart and this really attractive young lady walked by and
Derek reached his arms out & said, "Hey Lady, I want you!" I was embarrassed. lol

Heather was 3 years old (this was right before Derek was born) and being a
stay-at-home mom, I was able to read to her alot. Well, she picked up on this
and one day I was reading the funny papers to her but I needed to get dinner
started so I would skip some of the words. She caught me, though. One of the
words I missed was "hors d'ourves" and she said "Mommy, you didn't say 'horses
delivered!" She was so smart!!

Don't Axe Me How That Happened...

2004-08-31T22:05:00.000-06:00

When I was 5, my brother Rex and my cousin Brian were 6 and the three of us
were at my grandparent's house. They lived in the country...they had a great
old house, big barn and so forth. My grandpa had a big tree stump by the barn
and he kept his BIG ax in the stump, for this is where he cut his kindlin' for
their wood-burning stove. We decided we should help Grandpa cut the
kindlin'. Of course being the girl I was only allowed to watch (a blessing). Rex &
Brian weren't very big but the ax was so they decided one of them would hold
the "kindling" while the other one wielded the ax.

Poor Brian.

He was the poor sap who got to hold the kindling. As you probably guessed,
Rex took a big ol' swing and cut Brian's finger off!

All I remember is we ran to the house and Grandma picked up Brian and wrapped
his finger in her apron and off we went in their old pickup.

We had lots of fun like that when I was a kid.

Roy Rogers Riders Rules

2004-08-28T23:48:00.000-06:00

I'm 55 years old...I grew up in the 1950's & 60's which was really a great
time to be a kid. We lived by Roy Rogers Riders Rules...I present them to you
now:

1. Be neat and clean. [We ALWAYS had to wash our hands before we ate!]
2. Be courteous and polite. [Lots of 'pleases' & 'thank you's!']
3. Always obey your parents. [I never disobeyed my parents!!!]
4. Protect the weak and help them.
5. Be brave but never take chances. [I was pretty much a scardy-cat anyway.]
6. Study hard and learn all you can. [Straights A's, baby!! Well, pretty
much.]
7. Be kind to animals and take care of them. [We raised our pigs as best we
could!]
8. Eat all your food and never waste any. [Unh-uh, no way! The beets went
under the rug when Mom wasn't looking!]
9. Love God and go to Sunday School regularly. [Amen!]
10. Always respect our flag and our country. [We said the Pledge of
Allegiance every day in school...and even said 'one nation under God."]

Happy Trails To Y'all!

Flee! Flee For Your Lives!

2004-08-17T17:20:00.000-06:00

Okay, here goes, my very first blog story! I hope you enjoy it.

As you all may or may not know my son Derek loves fire! I on the other hand
am very afraid of it. Several years ago when Heather & Derek were little, my
parents were visiting us & Mom & I were cooking dinner in the kitchen. My
husband Jess and my Dad were in the living room watching TV, letting the
women-folk do the cookin'. Suddenly, for some unknown reason, the oven CAUGHT ON
FIRE!! My Mom & I looked at each other, never said a word...we just ran out of
the kitchen, through the living room where the guys were & out the front door!
Jess & Dad yelled after us, "What the hell are you doing?" And we just said,
"Oh, yeah, the stove's on fire." The kids were in their rooms, the guys were
in the living room but dammit, Mom & I were SAFE!!!

So there you go.

My First Post EVER!!

2004-08-13T02:47:00.000-06:00

This is the conversation happening right now:

HEATHER: "So what do you want to write about?"

ME: [whispering] "I don't know. I don't have a clue. My brain is empty!"

I'm afraid I might be a "failure" at "blogging." I'll try to think of
something but I'm witless. That is to say, I don't have any witty insights like
Heather said. She thinks I do...we'll see. I'll have to write these posts alone
since....well...I'M SMARTER BY MYSELF!

Talk to you later. :D

In The Beginning

2004-08-12T13:54:00.000-06:00

This is Heather, Karen's daughter. Collin, Derek & I decided that Mom needed her own blog so we set this up for her as a surprise. Hopefully she'll take to it and share some of her funny stories and witty insights with us all!